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BAM

How to Stand Out from the Crowd

Dear minions, If you want to conquer the world, you need to be innovative, creative and unique. ... you need to stand out from the crowd. Nobody cares if you're the seventh person to step onto the moon - Sorry David Scott, but folks only remember Neil Armstrong! Be original. Cat Shark Roomba Duck Unless you're some sort of dusty doorknob with limited … [Read More...]

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To conquer the world... Just go nuts!

Want to Conquer the World? Become an Authority!

Dear minions, Questioning my sanity is the only thing keeping me insane! ... insanity is very important for the business of world domination. The world is … [Read More...]

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I hate Monday

World Domination Monday @ 7:01 AM EST

Dear minions, You need to visit this blog every Monday @ 7:01 AM EST, because Monday is the worst day of the week and I promise to make it worse. ... and if … [Read More...]

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The lump of meat inside your head, aka - the brain

Learn to use that Lump of Meat Inside your Head

Dear minions, Everyone seems to have this useless lump of meat inside their head. They carry it around everywhere they go. ... and worst of all, the lump of meat is a freeloader. It asks for stuff all the time. It wants videos, gossip, and news updates. It wants food, … [Read More...]

Oh My Gosh Lemur Bug

Glitch in the Matrix – How to Survive a War with Computer Bugs

Dear minions, Computer bugs are some of the most evil villains you'll ever encounter because... ... computer bugs don't have to hate you, or think you're stupid, or anything like that in order to decide to pick on you. They'll just go ahead one morning and delete … [Read More...]

Bring Back the Cherry Timbits

Hey Tim Hortons, Bring Back the Cherry Timbits!

Dear minions, If you want to conquer the world, you need to take action when you're passionate about something. ... don't just sit around doing nothing when the things you care about are threatened. For example, when Tim Hortons decides to just go ahead and discontinue … [Read More...]

A cooked chicken

How to Tie Up a Good for Nothing “Chicken”

Dear minions, Today I'm going to teach you how to tie up a chicken in preparation for rotisserie cooking on the BBQ. ... learning how to tie up a chicken is great practice for when you need to tie up some good for nothing and extremely pesky hero above a … [Read More...]

mr-and-mrs-potato-head

Who Keeps Planting Potatoes on my Lawn?!

Dear minions, When someone plants potatoes on my lawn I get upset. It's not that I dislike potatoes - in fact I find them quite tasty and aesthetically pleasing... The problem is WTF?! Don't mess with an evil overlords lawn if you know what's good for you. When it … [Read More...]

Talking Beer Glass

How Men Without Underwear Cause Soaring Beer Prices

Dear minions, You know what really makes me want to throw-back a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster? ... drunk Scottish men lifting their kilts to strangers in Poland. Not because they horrify Polish residents who feel such behaviour is inappropriate... Not because they … [Read More...]

Dr. Evil Cuts the tension with mini me. Evil Overlord Jokes.

A Very Evil List of Overlord Jokes. Like, the Most Evil One Ever!

Dear minions, I've been working on my stand-up comedy routine... ... don't laugh, I'm serious! I think evil overlords need to be funny. Knowing a few good jokes is a great way to cut the tension during those suspenseful life or death situations. Here's what … [Read More...]