I’ve been working on my stand-up comedy routine…
… don’t laugh, I’m serious!
I think evil overlords need to be funny.
Knowing a few good jokes is a great way to cut the tension during those suspenseful life or death situations.
Here’s what I’ve got so far…
A frog walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Lilly-pad”.
The bartender looks at the frog and says, “Sorry sir, we don’t serve Lilly-pads”.
Suddenly, the bartender explodes.
Hey man, why did the chicken cross the road?
Because YOUR MOTHER WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE!
Dude, guess how I got the minions to fall into the fiery pit at the top of the volcano lair?
… I told them drinks were on the house.
Ok, ok, I’ve got a good story too…
A funeral service is being held for a bartender that recently exploded.
As the pallbearers carry-out the casket, they accidentally bump into a wall because they have one simple job to do and they can’t even do that right.
… since the coroner is just as incompetent, they hear a faint moan.
Of course, they open up the casket and discover the bartender is actually alive!
The bartender proceeds to live a few more days, then dies again suddenly. Another funeral is held…
At the end of the service, the pallbearers get ready to carry-out the casket…
As they start walking, I yell, “Watch out for the wall!”
Not bad right? But wait, I’ve got more!
Guess how the ant fell off the toilet seat?
… he was pissed off!
Once upon a time there was a boy named “Odd.”
People would point and laugh at Odd, because, lets face it, his name was ridiculous.
Odd hated his name so much, he decided – “You know what, when I die, I want my name left off my gravestone so nobody ever calls me Odd again” – and so one day, when Odd died, his gravestone was left blank.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, “That’s odd.”
Hey, guess why Mickey Mouse got shot?
… because Donald ducked.
Don’t worry, Mickey is expected to make a full recovery.