It’s a 100% guarantee our sun explodes, expands, heats up, or eventually does some sort of inconvenient thing that results in the obliteration of Earth in the process.
… Don’t Panic!
Our sun isn’t scheduled to misbehave for a long time, like billions of years.
Even if the sun did decide to explode tomorrow, you still wouldn’t die for another 8 minutes and 19 seconds which is plenty of time to purchase the 2014 Calendar of Destruction and check out the other terrible ways you might perish in the meantime.
Ok… so if the sun isn’t going to explode, who cares?
Look up at the sky tomorrow night because it could be for the last time…
All those stars staring back at you, they’re all suns that could go supernova one day. It doesn’t matter if our Sun doesn’t explode, there are billions of other stars out there… one of them is going to pop.
… in fact, there are supernova’s all the time!
It’s not a big deal really, stars explode, it’s just a thing they do. In fact, humans wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for supernovas spewing particles all over the place and making a big mess of the universe.
If it’s not a big deal, who cares??!
The problem is, now that we do exist, it would be helpful if all the stars could take a break and stop exploding for a little while.
… when a supernova occurs, a giant death ray of gamma radiation is ejected.
Thankfully, we’re not necessarily an easy target to hit from millions of light years away, but one day we might not be so lucky…
When that day finally comes, you’ll get a horrible sunburn. Even worse, you’ll be totally irradiated and die before getting a chance to even out that tan.
What do we do if a supernova comes for us?!
If a star explodes and the gamma radiation is aimed at Earth, the general consensus is duck. Not quack like a duck, although arguably that might be just as effective, but duck like get down, way way down deep underground.
… what else is there to do really?
There’s no chance of getting the planet out of the way, so your only hope is to dig a really deep hole and hide for a few thousand years.
While you’re digging your grave, you might as well embalm yourself too because you’re never coming back up to the surface.
Unless you bring a duck with you, you’ll never see another duck.
This sucks. What fun things are there to do underground?!
I know it sounds bad, but there are plenty of fun things to do underground.
For example, you could look at all the scary pictures in the 2014 Calendar of Destruction. You’ll feel a lot better knowing there are worse ways the world could have come to an end!
… I’ve already covered five of the twelve increasingly terrible and slightly more probable ways you’re likely to die and perish. If you’re too cheap to buy the Calendar, you can check them out here:
- Supernova Explosion of Radiation
- Contagion of Mass Extinction
- Algal Bloom of Death
- Asteroid Impact of Doom
- Supervolcano of Destruction
Come back next Monday at 7:01AM and I’ll tell you about another horrible way you might end up kicking the bucket.
… or, you can buy the 2014 Calendar of Destruction right now if you can’t wait to find out!