How the Rhombus is Destroying the Porn Industry

This is a very interesting rhombus!

This is a very interesting rhombus!

Dear minions,

You know what really makes me want to stick a plunger to the surface of my head? No, not clogged toilets… Antonella Barba not winning American Idol. Not because she had the talent to do so or because the media and American Idol took advantage of her unfortunate situation to selfishly boost their own ratings… That’s a part of life in the 21st century and we’re more than happy to accept it. I’m upset because all this controversy might lead people to actually care about celebrity exploitation. If we go down that slippery slope what next? Do we have to start caring about poverty, child labour and all the other sorts of inequalities that plague the world?!?!

Now listen, I’m sorry, but I have better ways to spend my time than saving the world. For example:

  • I can look for wet t-shirt pictures on the internet.
  • I can recite the alphabet backwards.
  • I can juggle melons before they’re ripe because everyone knows dropping a ripe melon is way too messy.

But you know what I can’t do? I can’t stand idle, not while an idol’s banishment brings important issues to the forefront of the media and puts all of these favorite pastimes at risk. It’s time we take a stand against taking a stand! It’s time we take action before people start standing up for what they believe, before people stop idly accepting things the way they are! Before all the horrible things we love and take for granted are taken away!

If we don’t start a petition now to bring back Antonella Barba, her moment of fame will be gone forever, or at least until the release of the next Girl’s Gone Wild DVD. If we wait that long to stand up for what’s right, the world as we know it could cease to exist. Already Google Trends have shown that more and more people are searching the Internet for the word “rhombus“. Do you know what a “rhombus” is? I’ll tell you what it’s not. It’s not the shape people should be searching the internet for if you know what I mean…

Do you want your children to grow up in a world where everyone cares more about inequality and geometry than pornography? Do your part to save our culture and the selfish egocentric bubble that helps us sleep at night. Bring back Antonella Barba!