By now you have heard the very important news being broadcast across North America… Britney Spears entered a drug rehabilitation facility in Antigua and another in Malibu. In the process, she got a tattoo and shaved off all her hair.
I’m so thankful for the media, imagine what my life would be had I missed this breaking news! But lets stay focused and take a deeper look into what’s going on here…
Do you think Britney Spears shaved her head because she is mildly psychotic? Of course not! Britney Spears shaved off her hair because she wanted to re-experience the joyous moments of her youth. Ask Dr. Phil. I’m sure he’d explain that Britney’s bald babies reminded her of happier times during her childhood. She realized that the only logical way to re-experience such happiness would be to return to her childhood via narcotics and head shaving. According to this article, time travel is theoretically possible, so decide for yourself if you think Britney Spears is a cutting edge scientist or a victim of Post-partum psychosis.
Thankfully, BritneySpears.com is asking people to send their thoughts and inspiration. Britney desperately needs our help, so I sent a letter!
“Dear Britney Spears,
I know you may have lost contact with reality and probably don’t realize that your vivid hallucinations and delusions are unrealistic. Delusions typically occur in the context of neurological or mental illness and are associated with many psychotic disorders, including schizophrenia. Don’t let your paranoia get you down or lead you to irrational or excessive behaviour. We need you to get better. Our lives are dependent on your constant presence in the media, we need our fix. You know what that’s like.
I think it’s great that your website has taken the initiative to have all your 12 year old fans send you letters of support. You’re their role model, it’s important they learn that success and substance abuse go hand in hand. We’re here for you. Imagine if you were poor, homeless or living in a third world country. You’d be in real need, but we’d never hear about you in the news. You’d end up facing your psychosis and starvation alone. We won’t let that happen. We’ll make sure the media knows we want you. We really don’t care if you get better or not, we just know media and pop culture have dictated your importance so that we don’t bother politicians about wars in Iraq or climate change.
Hope you’re well soon, we need you to keep us deluded!”