Dear minions,
Computer bugs are some of the most evil villains you’ll ever encounter because…
… computer bugs don’t have to hate you, or think you’re stupid, or anything like that in order to decide to pick on you.
They’ll just go ahead one morning and delete everything you’ve ever loved that’s digital, all for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
A simple glitch in the matrix and you’re dead. Sort of. I mean, you’ll be fine, but it will be very inconvenient and depressing.
… this could be the year it happens to you.
If you run an evil online organization, your web-lair could be hacked, destroyed, defaced, you name it.
It’s all very horrible, costly, and inevitable.
If you want to conquer the world, you need protect yourself against computer bugs.
How to Save your Digital Empire from Annihilation?
Whether you listen to the Mayans, believe in Skynet or are actively trying to unplug your brain from the Matrix, all predictions of the future are catastrophic…
… if you run a website this is bad news because it means it’s only a matter of time before you’re hacked and all your hard work goes down the drain.
Your blog could lose all it’s posts, comments and pictures.
… and while your site is offline nobody will click your ads, so you’ll lose a whole lot of money, go out of business, and end-up a homeless hobo wandering the streets.
Even worse, while you try to fix everything you’ll rip out all your hair, give up entirely on bathing, and have a sudden moment of clarity when you realize why it is all hobos are bald and smelly.
… and it’s all your fault.
You’re losing money because you were too lazy to think about basic security.
You could have avoided all of this.
You didn’t have to be a hobo.
… but unfortunately you’re a lazy oaf.
Wait a minute, who are you calling a lazy oaf!?
WordPress is the most important tool at your disposal for achieving world domination.
[In fact, if you join my World Domination Newsletter, I’ll teach you how to use WordPress to make less than one-hundred billion dollars in thirty days or more guaranteed!]
… but like any software, WordPress has bugs.
Plugins are great extensions to WordPress, but plugins have even more bugs!
All software will inevitably fail.
All software will make you promises, then break your heart.
If you’re running old versions of WordPress, some goons will hack you just because they can…
Once an exploit is found, that’s when the goons come out looking for the lazy oafs that couldn’t be bothered with spending thirteen seconds to run updates.
Since you’re a lazy oaf, the goons will find you and then you’re doomed.
If there’s always bugs, what’s the point? Life is useless…
Even with bug repellent, sometimes a mosquito still bites. Does that justify rolling around nude in the woods? No.
… the same principle applies to software.
Don’t leave your digital empire exposed.
Yes, there will always be bugs, but you don’t need to be infested with all of them.
Some precautions will reduce the number of bug-bites you get.
Survive the War with Computer Bugs… Always Upgrade!
You know what sucks? When your database becomes corrupted and you find out your web-host doesn’t run daily backups…
That’s why my digital empire is protected with Host Gator. I’ve got backups in case of an emergency.
… but you can avoid the emergency if you’re careful.
Always run updates when a new version of WordPress or a plugin is released to minimize the risk of disaster.
Update, update, update!
What do I do if the mosquito still bites?
… upgrading minimizes the risk of catastrophe, it doesn’t eliminate it.
Always have a contingency plan – And not because it sounds cool, but because it could save you time and money.
With WordPress your contingency plan is simple; MAKE BACKUPS!
Schedule it. Don’t forget. Do it often.
… or use a web host like Host Gator that automatically provides you with daily backups.
Only a lazy oaf forgets to make backups.
Should I bother with backups if my software doesn’t have bugs?
There’s always a glitch in the matrix.
… maybe you won’t run into that glitch right away…
Maybe you’ll never run into it.
… maybe we’ll have world peace, and everyone will win the lottery, and the next time you drop your toast maybe it won’t land on the sticky side.
The reality is your software always has bugs.
If you don’t want to be a hobo, run updates and make backups.
Being a lazy oaf is bad for business.
