Dear minions,
Today, I’m going to teach you how to make lolcats.
In order to conquer the world, you need the ability to communicate with the primitive lifeforms you’re hoping to enslave. Unfortunately earthlings have devolved to the point where lolcats have become the preferred method for information distribution.
If you want to conquer Earth, you need to master the lolcat dialogue.
What’s an Lolcat?!
An lolcat is an image, most frequently of a cat, with a humorous and idiosyncratic caption written in a dialect know as lolspeak.
Lolcat newbies should begin by taking a picture of a cat and adding a grammatically incorrect message expressing desire for a cheezburger.
If you need some inspiration, visit I can has Cheezburger for some examples.
STEP 1 – Learn Lolspeak
The first step towards making your own lolcats is learning lolspeak. This process involves forgetting everything you have learned about language, spelling and grammar.
IF SPEAKIN NO GUD HARD 4 HILY EVOLVD BEAN LIEK U, GET UR TRANLASHAM AT SPEAK LOLCAT.
STEP 2 – Find Funny Cat Pictures
In order to communicate with earthlings using lolcats, you’re going to need a large supply of cat pictures… It’s highly frowned upon to use the same cat picture more than once within a conversation when speaking the lolcat dialect (folks will think you’re mentally deficient if you try communicating two different messages on one image).
For unique images I recommend using your household cat as a specimen.
Take pictures of your cat doing something ridiculous. Remember, a picture is worth a thousand words. Your cat picture will provide context for your message.
For some example cat pictures, check out KittenWar.com, FunnyCatPix.com, AmazingCatCollection.com and StuffOnMyCat.com.
STEP 3 – Add Lolspeak to Cat to make Lolcat
By this point you have learned lolspeak and have found an endless supply of cat pictures… Now, it’s time to combine these pieces to make lolcats!
It’s important to use the lol culturally accepted font or you risk banishment and ridicule from society. The easiest and fastest way to add loltext to an image is by using roflbot.
Using a tool like roflbot is recommended if you want to retain copyright over your lolcats.
STEP 4 – Send Lolcat to an Earthling
Great, you made an lolcat! Now you need to find a simple way to send this message to a primitive earthling…
Upload your lolcat to a free image sharing service like Flickr or imgur. Then send out the link!
(Remember, if you want your lolcat to reach a specific earthling in a timely manner, don’t use a work email address. Send the link on Facebook)
STEP 5 – Enjoy the Fruits of your Labour
Sit back and relax. Enjoy praise and high fives from earthlings laughing at your lolcat…
They’ll never suspect you’re brainwashing them, they hardly have brains to begin with. You’ll have the last laugh.
mwahaha!
Deceth
Deceth is an up-and-coming supervillain. Join the World Domination Newsletter to learn how to conquer the world and make less than one-hundred billion dollars in 30 days or more guaranteed!
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