Dear minions,
Canada is under attack!
If you want to be a Canadian overlord why not take advantage of the situation… Keep reading to find out more.
Wait… Who is Attacking Canada?
As the globe continues to heat up, armies of bergs have fled the North on a southward invasion path towards Canada.
Why do the Bergs Blame Canada?
The bergs are an island nation endangered by global warming, ironically created by global warming. The survival of the bergs depend on the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions and Canada is the biggest offender below the freezing limit.
Unfortunately for Canadians, the bergs need all hell to freeze over… and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
If that’s just the tip… OMG not the NARWHALS?!?!
Do you have any idea what the street value of iceberg is? A source of water so pure that contaminants are undetectable… So pure that it is used to make iceberg vodka…
Do you think the narwhals will float idle while Canada takes their bergs? Never. Narwhals are jedi’s of the sea. They are unicorns with flippers.
The narwhals are coming.
You’ve been warned.
As a Canadian Overlord, how do I take advantage of the situation?
Invasions are often an opportunity for new and aspiring overlords to make a name for themselves. But, who do you side with? The bergs? The narwhals? The Canadians?!
Think strategically.
If you want to occupy Canada you must put yourself above any one particular allegiance.
An evil overlord always has a clear understanding of the bigger picture. If you want to rise to power, maximize support and minimize resistance. Do not be a fool – resistance is not futile, it is a pain in the ass.
How to Occupy Canada like an Evil Overlord
In this situation, an evil overlord knows to side with the environment.
By taking a stance against greenhouse gases, the bergs know you’re trying to save them from a horrible liquified demise. The narwhals are pleased you support a return of their vodka supply to the north. The Canadians are happy you saved them from annihilation and appoint you supreme commander of the realm.
Maximize support, minimize resistance. Make everyone happy. That is how you occupy Canada like an evil overlord.
eh?
Deceth
Deceth is an up-and-coming supervillain. Join the World Domination Newsletter to learn how to conquer the world and make less than one-hundred billion dollars in 30 days or more guaranteed!
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