Supervolcano of Destruction

Dear minions,

If a supervolcano decides to erupt today, we’re pretty screwed… I mean, you don’t just go around calling any old volcano a supervolano, it takes a certain capability for mass destruction to get the upgrade.

The 2014 Calendar of Destruction begins it’s twelve month series with a horrific image of a supervolcano eruption…

… Don’t miss out on all the chaos!

Buy the Calendar of Destruction right now, because each month there’s another horrific image showcasing the obliteration of all lifeforms.

As an evil overlord, the Calendar of Destruction will help you prepare for doomsday, so you can conquer whatever remains in the aftermath of apocalypse!

… but back to the main topic…

Why should I worry about a supervolcano?

A supervolcano is the type of volcano that really packs a punch. It’s the type of volcano that blots the sky with so much dust and debris that all vegetation just gives up on life and dies.

This is all very sad and depressing because we’re not talking about the shrug-it-off-what-can-you-do sort of apocalyptic situation where everyone gets incinerated all at once…

I mean sure, there’s the first group of people, the one’s standing nearby… They get the best view of the whole spectacle, but they also get vaporized and miss out on all the suffering and starvation that comes next.

That part is a real bummer… just waiting around with nothing to do but die. Eventually you run out of canned beans and have no reason left to live.

Ok, I get it, Supervolcano’s suck… But how likely are they?!

A supervolcano could erupt tomorrow, or in 1000 years. In the grand scheme of planetary things, that means a supervolcano is going to erupt, and it’s going to erupt soon. If a supervolcano doesn’t kill you, it’s because you got old and are already dead.

There’s no escape.

… and you’re sure it’s going to be mostly unpleasant?

Listen, a supervolcano eruption is thousands or times larger than a normal volcanic eruption.

Supervolcanic eruptions cover huge areas with lava and ash and if that wasn’t inconvenient enough, they also mess with the weather and trigger small ice ages sufficient to threaten species with extinction.

You won’t be able to have a good time.

The sky will turn dark permanently so nobody will have a nice tan and the temperature will drop to the point where mini-skirts go out of style. It’s also going to rain a lot of ash and you won’t be able to find an umbrella because the guy who sells umbrellas is probably going to take a few days off.

Err… well, maybe we can stop the supervolcano from erupting?

There’s actually a whole bunch of supervolcano’s getting ready to wipe us out of existence and unfortunately there’s no cold fusion device to plug them no matter what you saw on Star Trek Into Darkness…

We’re screwed.

One day a supervolcano is going to erupt again, because well, these supervolcanoes need to let off some steam from time to time.

Some scientists believe the Toba supereruption 70,000 years ago reduced the human population to ~10,000 people.

The Yellowstone Caldera could be the next supereruption…

… or not.

Maybe something else will end the world before any supervolcano has a chance to blow it’s load…

Get the 2014 Calendar of Destruction!

Each month you can read about increasingly terrible and slightly more probable ways you are likely to die and perish.

Don’t worry about no supervolcano, there’s worse things on the way to kill your first!

Buy the 2014 Calendar of Destruction today, it’s the perfect Holiday Gift!

Seriously, what better way to make sure your friends and family appreciate what little time they have left, than to remind them they each and every day they could be obliterated any second!

… Get a copy for your parents, they might get sentimental and give you an early inheritance!

MWAHAHA!