Dear minions,

In order to rule an empire, you need a bunch of sarcastic catchphrases.

In fact, if you read the Evil Overlord job description, you’ll notice the Big Boss must always be the most witty member of any evil-cast of villains.

Ruling an empire isn’t about big muscles or being a tough guy. The macho stuff is great for henchmen…

For an Evil Overlord, you need to be a mastermind. An evil genius. A hoopy frood who’s insanely brilliant!

… and to prove your superior intelligence, you need a bunch of witty quotes to constantly insult your minions!

Because it’s important to keep your minions on their toes…

… attentive and ready to serve.

And most importantly…

To avoid unpleasant uprisings and the sorts of situations that arise when confident co-workers start to believe they can do your job, you need your minions to be reminded that when compared to you, they are good for nothing.

21 Witty Insults that are Better than Anything you Could Think of on Your Own

1. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
2. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
3. I don’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
4. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
5. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
7. You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication.
8. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
9. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
10. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
11. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
12. It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
13. I can’t believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
14. Now we know why some animals eat their own children.
15. I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
16. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn’t have given you any worse advice.
17. Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?
18. I don’t know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
19. I bet you get bullied a lot.
20. I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you. Just kidding, I hate you.
21. I realize you have an inferiority complex but it’s fully justified.

Want More Awesome Quotes? I’ve Got Some!

Hey man, I’m not just some one-trick-pony who’s only skill is World Domination.

… I’m also the ultimate master of quotes lists!

If you want to conquer the world, it helps to know a lot of famous quotes because knowing quotes tricks people into thinking you’re some sort of wise intellectual.

Take a look:

• The Ever Growing List of Sarcastic, Ironic and Witty Quotes
• Funniest Quotes by Marvin from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
• The Ultimate List of Quotes from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
• Chuck Norris Facts – The Worlds #1 Top Rated Exceedingly Popular and Also as-Good-as Garlic Dipping Sauce List
• 27 Confucius Say Quotes that are Actually Funny