Dear minions,

You know what really makes me want to plunge? Giant Squid. Not because they have the biggest eyes in the animal kingdom or because their wieners (slang for penis) are 3 feet long. Nope, all of that stuff is just fine and dandy.

The problem is that giant squid make the worst possible usage of their suction cups. These guys could climb a building, play outfield for the Yankees, or even hold-up that soap tray in the shower that keeps falling. Instead, they float around their entire life, never to be employed as a plumber. With eight tentacles and hundreds of suctions cups, they could easily unclog thousands of toilets daily and contribute to the economy. You would think evolution would lead them down this path – you know survival of the fittest – because who’s going to eat a squid after it spends the day in clogged toilets. Of course, I guess that point is moot since we do presently dump sewage into the oceans and enjoy our calamari anyways…

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