As an evil overlord, it’s important to have a set of quotes handy at all times in order to out-duel an adversary in a verbal showdown of wits.
Bookmark this page, more quotes are added nefariously!
Approximately 107 Sarcastic, Ironic & Witty Quotes
- Those who laugh last think slowest.
- Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
- Save a tree, eat a beaver! Hurray for Earth Day!
- If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
- Let’s share, You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.
- Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
- You never learn anything by doing it right.
- The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.
- Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent.
- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
- In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
- Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?
- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot…
- If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
- I’ve lowered my expectations to the point where they’ve already been met!
- Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.
- Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
- Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.
- I can resist everything except temptation.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
- A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
- Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
- Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
- Every calendars days are numbered.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery…
- Dijon vu — the same mustard as before.
- If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
- When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- Without geometry, life is pointless.
- A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
- In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
- She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
- Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A flat minor.
- The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large…
Wouldn’t it be great if this post ended with links to a whole bunch of other awesome articles full of quotes? Well now it does!
- Funniest Quotes by Marvin from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
- 27 Confucius Say Quotes that are Actually Funny
- The Ultimate List of Quotes from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
- 21 Witty Insults to Rule an Empire like an Evil Overlord
- Chuck Norris Facts – The Worlds #1 Top Rated Exceedingly Popular and Also as-Good-as Garlic Dipping Sauce List
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