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Continue reading →: How to Tie Up a Good for Nothing “Chicken”Dear minions, Today I’m going to teach you how to tie up a chicken in preparation for rotisserie cooking on the BBQ. … learning how to tie up a chicken is great practice for when you need to tie up some good for nothing and extremely pesky hero above…
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Continue reading →: What to do about werewolves that eat their colleaguesDear minions, The problem with werewolves is every full moon they get the munchies and eat people. Sometimes this personality trait can be convenient when they eat the right people, but usually it’s just a lot of paperwork with a big lineup of minions standing outside HR in the morning…
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Continue reading →: I’m a Frank-o’-lantern, only buttheads call me Jack!Dear buttheads, I’m a Frank-o’-lantern and I hate being called Jack. It’s Frank. My name is Frank. My whole life jerks have called me Jack. I hate it. I already have enough problems. You know I’m a giant orange vegetable right? Imagine if you were orange and had to let…
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Continue reading →: What Happens If I Put Super Glue in a Non-Stick Pan?Dear minions, Have you ever wondered what happens when you put super glue in a non stick pan? YOU GET SMACKED IN THE HEAD WITH THE PAN, THAT’S WHAT. I don’t know what sort of idiots I have working in my kitchen, but this is not the place for conducting…
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Continue reading →: Elves are 8 inches tall, don’t ask them!Dear minions, I just found out elves are 8 inches tall. I know this because I measured an elf and it was 8 inches tall. This is quite remarkable because it’s not every day you get to measure an elf. Most often what happens when an elf walks by is……
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Continue reading →: The Ever Growing List of Sarcastic, Ironic and Witty QuotesDear minions, As an evil overlord, it’s important to have a set of quotes handy at all times in order to out-duel an adversary in a verbal showdown of wits. Bookmark this page, more quotes are added nefariously!
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Continue reading →: Holy Shit it’s SnowingDear minions, Let’s skip the small talk and get straight to the point… HOLY SHIT IT’S SNOWING! I could have built an evil headquarters inside a volcano like Dr. Evil, I bet that would have been nice… Or I could have built a fort in the jungle with a pit…
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Continue reading →: Chuck Norris Facts, Quotes, & Bedtime StoriesDear minions, Listen, there’s a lot of Chuck Norris lists out there… … They suck. This is the #1 undisputed top rated Chuck Norris list of them all. Bookmark it. … Share it. Fear it. Chuck Norris Poetry This list is exceedingly popular because it’s the sort of list that…
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Continue reading →: 21 Witty Insults to Keep Your Minions MotivatedDear minions, In order to be a true supervillain it is essential to have a bunch of sarcastic catchphrases. If you watch any movie you’ll notice the head honcho is always the most witty member of any cast of villains. Ruling an empire isn’t all about big muscles. The macho…
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Continue reading →: You’ll Never Believe this Neanderthal Itch Relief SecretDear minions, If you’ve got an itch, The Bear Claw Back Scratcher is the most satisfying itch relief tool in the shape of a bear claw on the market. Neanderthals have used bear claws to cure itching for centuries! With your very own Bear Claw Back Scratcher you can remove…
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