Dear minions,
Of all my henchmen, squid are by far the most underperforming.
Despite being gifted with many arms and built-in suction cups, all of this potential is wasted.
These guys could scale a glass building like a Bond villain, or play outfield for the Yankees. But, nope. Squid just sort of float around like beach bums.
They could be employee of the month
Lacking the motivation to be field operatives, I thought relegating the Squid to the janitorial staff would be brilliant. I am a super genius after all.
With eight tentacles and hundreds of suctions cups, squid are born with natures greatest toilet plungers.
Squid could easily unclog thousands of toilets daily and contribute to the economy.
You would think evolution would lead squid down this path – you know survival of the fittest – who’s going to eat a squid after it spends the day with it’s calamari arms in clogged toilets?
But no buttock cleavage.
The real problem is squid lack a true buttocks.
How could we ever accept squid as plumbers if they can’t produce the required plumbers crack?
We can’t.
No crack, no plumb.
Squid have suctions cups, but don’t suck.
Squids suck.
Consider henchmen with more teeth.
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