Asteroid Impact of Doom

Dear minions,

Asteroids and comets are pretty cool until they slam into your face.

The 2014 Calendar of Destruction includes a horrific image of an asteroid getting ready to splatter humanity into tiny pieces of irreparable goop!

… Don’t miss out on all the chaos!

Buy the Calendar of Destruction right now, because each month there’s another horrific image showcasing the obliteration of all lifeforms.

As an evil overlord, the Calendar of Destruction will help you prepare for doomsday, so you can conquer whatever remains in the aftermath of apocalypse!

… but back to the main topic.

Why should I worry about an asteroid impact?

Asteroids are kind of like space hemorrhoids… it takes a very complicated setup of mirrors to get a good look at them.

If you thought a supervolcano really packed a punch, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

An asteroid impact is like getting kicked in the nuts so hard your testicles explode into billions of tiny useless testicles.

An asteroid impact is like getting punched in the stomach so hard you shit your entire self inside-out the other side.

… listen, an asteroid impact really sucks.

Not only will the planet start erupting from every orifice on it’s surface, but there’s also going to be this big mess from all the earthquakes, tidal waves, and corpses that can’t be bothered with putting themselves into caskets.

What are the odds an Asteroid hits Earth during my lifetime?

Hey now, let’s not be self-centered. Just because you might not live long enough to be killed by an asteroid doesn’t mean you should get off the hook worrying about it.

In 2005 it was estimated that the chance of a person born today dying due to an impact is around 1 in 200 000. If you’re born tomorrow, the odds are even worse!

I think it’s pretty clear most of us are going to be hit by an asteroid eventually unless we find some other way to drop dead first…

Discover more ways to drop dead – Get the Calendar of Destruction!

Each month you can gaze upon increasingly terrible and slightly more probable ways you are likely to die and perish.

In January you’ll be smothered to death by a fiery ash and lava spewing superovlcano of destruction.

In February, you’ll be pulverized into a pile on nonexistence by an asteroid impact of doom.

Buy the 2014 Calendar of Destruction today to find out how you’ll drop dead in March!

… or come back and visit next week, when the secrets of your next demise are unveiled.

MWAHAHA!