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Continue reading →: How to make a Treasure Map like an Evil OverlordDear minions, If you wish to rule an empire as an evil overlord, it’s important you send your rivals on the occasional wild goose chase. Allowing your enemies to “stumble upon” a well crafted treasure map is an ideal way to waste their time and resources. Materials Needed: paper pen…
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Continue reading →: SUDDENLY A WILD ITALIAN PLUMBER APPEARSDear minions, You know how these things go… One minute you’re minding your own business in your secret volcano castle eating a delicious canoli WHEN SUDDENLY A WILD ITALIAN PLUMBER APPEARS. Mario… … what an asshole. Mario can’t just use a door like a normal person. Nope. He’ll usually scale…
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Continue reading →: How the Rhombus is Destroying the Porn IndustryDear minions, I hate the rhombus. Seriously. You just have to look at a rhombus to know it’s a terrible shape. It’s kind of like a square, but wtf, it’s always crooked. And worst of all… … the rhombus is destroying the porn industry. Err… How is the Rhombus Destroying…
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Continue reading →: Top 5 things I would do with a big barrel and no monkeysDear minions I’d really like to get a big barrel. … not like a barrel of monkeys, just a big barrel. I think there’s a lot of interesting things to do with a big barrel. If I got a big barrel of monkeys, I would empty out the monkeys and…
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Continue reading →: Best Smelling Google Nexus 5 Screen ProtectorDear minions, Listen, I’ve smelled a lot of screen protectors in my day, but the Spigen Google Nexus 5 Crystal Clear Screen Protector is by far the best smelling screen protector of all! Not only does the Spigen Google Nexus 5 Screen Protector smell great, but it also includes a…
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Continue reading →: Hey Tim Hortons, Bring Back the Cherry Timbits!Dear minions, If you want to conquer the world, you need to take action when you’re passionate about something. … don’t just sit around doing nothing when the things you care about are threatened. For example, when Tim Hortons decides to just go ahead and discontinue cherry timbits, what the…
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Continue reading →: How to Make Lolcats – Step by Step GuideDear minions, Today, I’m going to teach you how to make lolcats. In order to conquer the world, you need the ability to communicate with the primitive lifeforms you’re hoping to enslave. Unfortunately earthlings have devolved to the point where lolcats have become the preferred method for information distribution. If…
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Continue reading →: 27 Confucius Say Quotes that are Actually Funny
Dear minions, The following is the ultimate top 27 list of Confucius say quotes. … there are thousands of Confucius say quotes out there, but most suck. I’ve removed all the stupid ones and 93% of the sexist ones. Even all the ones about farts. What’s left is the Ultimate…
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Continue reading →: Not Safe to Drink from GoodLife Fitness Water Bottle
Dear GoodLife, I recently acquired one of your red GoodLife Fitness water bottles. I was eager to quench my thirst at my next workout when I discovered to my dismay it was impossible to use this bottle securely. I’ve attached pictures demonstrating the problem… Here is a picture of the…
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