The Ever Growing List of Sarcastic, Ironic and Witty Quotes

Dear minions,

As an evil overlord, it’s important to have a set of quotes handy at all times in order to out-duel an adversary in a verbal showdown of wits.

Bookmark this page, more quotes are added nefariously!

Approximately 107 Sarcastic, Ironic & Witty Quotes

• Those who laugh last think slowest.
• Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
• Save a tree, eat a beaver! Hurray for Earth Day!
• If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
• Let’s share, You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.
• Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
• You never learn anything by doing it right.



• The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
• Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.
• Don’t take life so seriously, it isn’t permanent.
• Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
• In the end everything we do, is just everything we’ve done.
• Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by again?
• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot…
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
• I’ve lowered my expectations to the point where they’ve already been met!
• Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.
• Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.



• Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.
• I can resist everything except temptation.
• A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
• A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Every calendars days are numbered.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery…
• Dijon vu — the same mustard as before.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
• Without geometry, life is pointless.
• A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.



• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
• She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A flat minor.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large…

More Quotes!

Wouldn’t it be great if this post ended with links to a whole bunch of other awesome articles full of quotes? Well now it does!

• Funniest Quotes by Marvin from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
• 27 Confucius Say Quotes that are Actually Funny
• The Ultimate List of Quotes from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
• 21 Witty Insults to Rule an Empire like an Evil Overlord
• Chuck Norris Facts – The Worlds #1 Top Rated Exceedingly Popular and Also as-Good-as Garlic Dipping Sauce List

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