Dear minions,

An overlord must always be prepared for doomsday.

Unless Earth implodes or another universe collides into our bubble of an existence, we’re probably not going to be entirely wiped out, no matter what the apocalypse.

… the “end-of-the-world” is an excellent business opportunity to make one-hundred billion dollars!

Obliteration is a lot like the stock markets… When the economy falls apart, you make a fortune investing low, then selling high when markets get back to normal. Similarly, when the world falls apart, you make a fortune if you’re ready to provide the services needed to fix things up.

… An evil overlord must continuously set-in-motion plans to make one-hundred billion dollars!

If you’re ready for doomsday, you gain a strategic advantage over your rivals. While everyone else runs around arms flailing screaming about how inconvenient it is the world has crumbled, you’ll be laughing all the way to whatever bank is left standing.

Getting Ready for the End of the World

The best way to prepare for doomsday is to buy the 2014 Calendar of Destruction.

Each month you can read about increasingly terrible and slightly more probable ways you are likely to die and perish.

This is great! This is exactly what you need to start planning for doomsday!

The 2014 Calendar of Destruction gives you a list of twelve apocalyptic scenarios including horrific pictures of doom, gloom, and some strange things that look unpleasant.

The Calendar of Destruction is the perfect starter kit for anybody preparing for doomsday! All you have left to do is come up with a brilliant plan to make one-hundred billion dollars for the day after obliteration.

For Example…

Now I don’t want to spoil the whole calendar for you… but let’s go through one simple example.

For the month of March, the 2014 Calendar of Destruction shows you a terrifying picture of an algal bloom…

Algal blooms are a big problem in parts of the world because humans thought it would be a good idea to dump all sorts of delicious phosphates into the worlds water supply… Algae loves phosphates, and as a result, entire lakes can turn green overnight as algae feasts, makes love, and reproduces obscenely.

If humans don’t smarten up, the worlds entire water supply could turn green and become undrinkable.

Algal blooms happens very fast. One day to the next a lake can turn green. They’re an unstoppable force once they get their groove on.

If algal blooms were to happen on a global scale, the ensuing disaster and chaos would be unfathomable because everyone would die.

… that is, unless a brilliant overlord is waiting, ready, with a plan to make one-hundred billion dollars!

Anybody positioned to provide water purification services and drinkable water would become insanely rich overnight because the cost of drinking water tends to sky rocket whenever the alternative is dehydrating into a dusty pile of debris.

The 2014 Calendar of Destruction costs $19.99, and for this small investment, you could make one-hundred billion dollars!

Listen, we’re talking about a 500,250,125,062% return on your investment…

But wait, there’s more…

Of course, an algal bloom isn’t the only thing that can go wrong… The 2014 Calendar of Destruction covers 11 other apocalyptic scenarios that are bound to bring plenty of chaos and obliteration.

If you want to conquer the world, you need to be ready for the world to end.

… opportunities like the end of all days don’t come around every day.

Buy the 2014 Calendar of Destruction. Prepare for doomsday, before it’s too late.

… and of course, don’t forget to make one-hundred billion dollars!

muahaha.